Months spent thinking of a person,
And now I couldn’t be more certain,
Of the person I’ve become,
Buried through six layers of dirt and
I could not become a worse man,
By that time I’d be done,
But I maybe if I ran
Away to the white sands,
Of a beach with wind from the white fan
In my bedroom where I’m alone.
Through this time I’ve changed,
Somehow kept my core maintained,
And now I’m able to reflect
On the people I became,
The different forms I would take,
Till I would eventually reject
The ones I considered fake,
Lies told to myself as a mistake,
To form a list of those I’d neglect.
This marks the beginning.
A boy who hated the world,
Because of some thing with some girl,
Cliché story I know already,
But it does take an unusual turn,
See I became quite stern,
Albeit something very unnecessary,
Rejected the chance for someone to learn,
All the causes of these burns,
That left scars on my identity.
Stay with me, we’re far from the ending.
From the ashes of hate there was,
A boy lacking in trust because,
He had not learnt how to forgive,
But when his quiet rage was lost,
He put his relations on pause,
So he could forget them and know him,
Getting acquainted with his thoughts,
All his beauties and all his faults,
Facing every virtue and every sin.
This is where the learning begins.
See I knew I’ve changed physically,
Something I place blame on puberty,
Yet there’s something puberty doesn’t do,
It fails to enhance you mentally,
By not giving you the maturity,
That would increase as your body grew,
And lacking any stability,
With an angry child’s mentality,
The person I was became a response solely due
To things in my life I thought I knew.
And then I started to think.
With some self realization in order,
It became clear there was no better
Opportunity to fix myself,
Because self appreciation requires no other,
No friend, brother, father or mother,
It only requires yourself.
I learned to put the important things first,
Prioritize I believe is the word,
I was the only one that mattered,
Learned to see behind a blur,
Eventually I knew for sure,
I had many things to offer.
Then what kind of person am I now.
Separated from society’s ways
And countless attempts to restrain,
I think for me, myself and I,
I expect the world to fall from the weight
Of their lies, greed and all their shame,
I expect no good to come by.
I acknowledge the good in men and women,
But for someone to think they are exempt
From the unkindness of them is denial,
I take life for what it is, even when
I may be down to only a few friends,
I don’t hope for fantasy, I know what’s real.
Sounds like I think the world is terrible,
Well you know it is, don’t be gullible,
Or naive into thinking there’s hope,
For a perfect world isn’t believable,
Matter of fact it’s inconceivable,
Our dreams holding on to a loose rope.
So what have I learned.
I know who I am now thanks to this,
Time I spent making discoveries,
About myself and those around me,
But I know new things of myself will flourish,
New problems, new issues, new worries,
Things to deepen my anxiety.
I know there is still good out there,
Good people can be found anywhere,
But perfection I never expect to see,
But the person that would always dare
To do his best and inspire his peers,
That’s the person I want to be.
I suppose when living in the present,
The effects of any particular event,
Do not affect me as they did before,
Accept the things I can’t prevent,
Adapt to change and learn to bend,
So I don’t fall with my face to the floor.
If you managed read all of this,
I just hope you understood it,
You now know a little fragment of
Who I am underneath,
Don’t worry, you still don’t know me
This only encompassed a few months,
I have eighteen years and more to see,
Wait, forgot there’s still one challenge to beat
Have to learn how to love.
But that’s for another day….